I just received your letter stating that I owe you $32,000.00 in back taxes, including penalties and interest.
It's true that I haven't been paying my taxes for the past few years. It seems that I just didn't have the money. Or, to put it another way, I was living beyond my means, since I was spending the tax money (the money I should have paid to you) on other things.
But that's the American way, isn't it? Spending money that you really don't have? Spending money that really isn't yours? Back in 1932, when Franklin Roosevelt was elected, the national debt was $1,000,000,00.00 (one billion dollars). As of September 2012, it's $16,000,000,000,000.00 (sixteen TRILLION dollars), which is $53,300.00 for every man, woman, child, and crawling infant in the United States. I certainly didn't run up that tab in the last 80 years. It was you, my friend.
This means that each and every day for the past 80 years, you spent an average of $548,000.00 MORE than you took in. Each and every day, including Sundays, Easters, and Christmases. That's $22,833.00 per hour. You spent $22,833.00 per hour more than you took in, every hour of every day, nonstop. On average.
If you (the federal government) didn't spend money like a drunken sailor at a strip club then you wouldn't need my $32,000.00 (including penalties and interest). Of course, it's easy for you guys to spend freely when you're spending other people's money ... money that you sorry worthless bureaucrats didn't have to sweat for ... isn't it? Makes you feel a lot more liberal, doesn't it?
But you not only spent money that you didn't earn ... when that money was used up, you kept on spending. You then spent money that didn't even exist. You just turned on the printing presses and printed more money. If I did that, you'd arrest me for counterfeiting. When you do it, it's called "inflating the currency."
The result of this is that the money I have in my wallet right now is worth less than it was last week. All because of you.
I hear that part of what you spent all that money on was $400.00 toilet seats and $75.00 screwdrivers. I am attaching this letter to a large box that contains my first installment toward the $32,000.00 that I owe ... in the form of ten toilet seats and fifty screwdrivers. Please credit my account in the amount of $7,750.00.